all about love...
Love...such a simple 4 letter word...is it? Well, here is what I know about love up until this point.
If it wants to, love can do anything.
Last year...2014... was a year that I had to accept and love things about myself that I never thought I would have to. I had a bit of a break down in June and the months that followed were dark and yet so light. Love is what brought me back to life again. Love is the song that I heard faintly singing in my heart. Remembering that I had been rooted and grounded in love was the turning point.
Love and forgiveness seem to walk very closely together. Hand in hand they grab ahold of one another. Sometimes they are glued to one another, and sometimes they hold on by a tiny single last thread, but one thing is for sure... in my own life... Love and Forgiveness are not without cost.
Do I want to be right in love?
Do I want to win?
Do I want to push the one's I love away with my demanding spirit?
Do I love the way I want to be loved?
Am I operating in unconditional love, or does my love have conditions.
These are the hard questions I ask myself.
I sit still and quiet all alone waiting for the sun to rise sometimes...who am I kidding...often.
I watch the birds flying about singing a song of thank you. I look up into the big big expanse that is the sky and I sit and watch the love song to my heart. I hear hope calling out to me and a chance to lay behind all that was yesterday and live today again. I hear love. Love can speak, you know?
It can even yell. But mostly for me, love whispers...so I have to be really quiet and intent on listening.
What does my love look like at 41?
It is more patient
It is more kind
It is not jealous.
It understands that boasting is not becoming.
It has at time been dishonoring to others and self seeking, but it is working on it.
It is less easily angered.
It has been eliminating records of wrong...in hopes that my own wrongs would one day be eliminated
It does not delight in evil.
It rejoices with truth.
It has been protecting and trusting and hoping and preserving...but not always.
It has at times failed...more than I would like to admit.
It has been learning to bear all things...hope all things and just when I thought it has endured all things...it asks me to endure a little more.
Love, you teach me so much about me.
When I was 20 years old, I gave birth to my first child. I was all alone with her early early in the morning, in the bronx, and feeling very scared about what lies ahead. My husband did not make it for the birth, but my mother and aunt were with me the whole very long 36 hours of labor. Exhausted from the experience I dozed off shortly after her birth. I will spare you the dramatic details...
They went home and I was left in the hospital, 20 and afraid.
They brought the little bundle to me around 5:45am
I was still drowsy when they asked me to nurse her. I looked down at that little face and felt the full weight of the responsibility of parenting, and yet I was overwhelmed with this feeling I had never before felt. I truly believe it was the first time I was helpless but to love without condition.
I knew then and there that I was unprepared for what my heart would feel. I was blessed to have married a man who's love for me and his kids flows so easily and without restraint. I have often, over the years, not understood what a blessing and gift that was.
My 40's have given me a rare gift.
I have, for the first time, been settled in love.
I will spend whatever days are left in my life, learning how to love the way God wants me to love and to give that love to as many people want it.
I am no "love expert" but I am a constant student. I look to the love and example of Christ to know what it means to truly love.
This is what I know about love up to this point... if it wants to... love can do anything
.https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13
If it wants to, love can do anything.
Last year...2014... was a year that I had to accept and love things about myself that I never thought I would have to. I had a bit of a break down in June and the months that followed were dark and yet so light. Love is what brought me back to life again. Love is the song that I heard faintly singing in my heart. Remembering that I had been rooted and grounded in love was the turning point.
Love and forgiveness seem to walk very closely together. Hand in hand they grab ahold of one another. Sometimes they are glued to one another, and sometimes they hold on by a tiny single last thread, but one thing is for sure... in my own life... Love and Forgiveness are not without cost.
Do I want to be right in love?
Do I want to win?
Do I want to push the one's I love away with my demanding spirit?
Do I love the way I want to be loved?
Am I operating in unconditional love, or does my love have conditions.
These are the hard questions I ask myself.
I sit still and quiet all alone waiting for the sun to rise sometimes...who am I kidding...often.
I watch the birds flying about singing a song of thank you. I look up into the big big expanse that is the sky and I sit and watch the love song to my heart. I hear hope calling out to me and a chance to lay behind all that was yesterday and live today again. I hear love. Love can speak, you know?
It can even yell. But mostly for me, love whispers...so I have to be really quiet and intent on listening.
What does my love look like at 41?
It is more patient
It is more kind
It is not jealous.
It understands that boasting is not becoming.
It has at time been dishonoring to others and self seeking, but it is working on it.
It is less easily angered.
It has been eliminating records of wrong...in hopes that my own wrongs would one day be eliminated
It does not delight in evil.
It rejoices with truth.
It has been protecting and trusting and hoping and preserving...but not always.
It has at times failed...more than I would like to admit.
It has been learning to bear all things...hope all things and just when I thought it has endured all things...it asks me to endure a little more.
Love, you teach me so much about me.
When I was 20 years old, I gave birth to my first child. I was all alone with her early early in the morning, in the bronx, and feeling very scared about what lies ahead. My husband did not make it for the birth, but my mother and aunt were with me the whole very long 36 hours of labor. Exhausted from the experience I dozed off shortly after her birth. I will spare you the dramatic details...
They went home and I was left in the hospital, 20 and afraid.
They brought the little bundle to me around 5:45am
I was still drowsy when they asked me to nurse her. I looked down at that little face and felt the full weight of the responsibility of parenting, and yet I was overwhelmed with this feeling I had never before felt. I truly believe it was the first time I was helpless but to love without condition.
I knew then and there that I was unprepared for what my heart would feel. I was blessed to have married a man who's love for me and his kids flows so easily and without restraint. I have often, over the years, not understood what a blessing and gift that was. My 40's have given me a rare gift.
I have, for the first time, been settled in love.
I will spend whatever days are left in my life, learning how to love the way God wants me to love and to give that love to as many people want it.
I am no "love expert" but I am a constant student. I look to the love and example of Christ to know what it means to truly love.
This is what I know about love up to this point... if it wants to... love can do anything
.https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13
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